


Gaia

by lara_s



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Episode: s05e22 Children of Time, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 22:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5760940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lara_s/pseuds/lara_s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Kira didn't die right away on Gaia?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gaia

“Hello Benjamin. Welcome to Gaia.” The crew on the bridge exchanged apprehensive glances. What was going on here?

Sisko, Dax, Worf and O’Brian were the first to beam down to the surface. Sisko had been through a lot during his tenure with Starfleet, seen and been involved in a lot of strange situations. None could even come close to this. The man, Yedren, who claimed to be Dax, spun a crazy story. “When the Defiant goes to break orbit, the surrounding energy field will fling the ship back down to the planet stranding everyone on the surface two hundred years in the past. We are your descendants.” The man’s words were preposterous and yet proved to be true. It was only through a great deal of self-control that Sisko was able to keep the growing alarm that was starting to well up in his chest at bay.

As they were shown the settlement, Sisko had to admit under different circumstances he would have quite enjoyed the experience. Gaia was, without question, a beautiful place. At least, he thought, they’d had the good fortune to be stranded on a hospitable planet. The colony was impressive. In a way, Sisko was strangely proud of it. This was what his crew, his children, had built for themselves. They had done the best with what they had and made due with their situation. Thrived even.

Worf and O’Brian moseyed off to take a look at the energy generators leaving Sisko with Jadzia and Yedren. It was Jadzia who finally spoke up, asking the question they’d both been wondering about. “How did we, the original crew, adjust to all this?”

Yedren looked uncomfortable. “As you might be starting to comprehend, it was… difficult to say the least. Everyone dealt with the situation in their own way of course. You Jadzia turned inward. No one ever blamed you, but deep down you believed yourself responsible for the crash. It ate at you. You tried hard to accept making a life here but never really got over the guilt. And you Captain,” the Trill looked at Sisko now, “You weren’t much better. The two of you spent many a sleepless night sitting out on the deck staring up in the sky.”

Jadzia flinched. “What of the others?” she asked.

“Worf managed probably the best of anyone. He seemed to relish the daily struggle for survival we faced in those early years. Something about this way of life spoke to his Klingon blood. He, I believe, came to be content here.”

“Not surprising.” Jadzia perked up somewhat upon hearing that Worf at least had fared better than herself.

“O’Brian,” Yedren continued, “he managed to avoid sinking into a deep depression but only because he never truly let himself grieve. He never gave up hope. The Chief firmly believed, up until his dying breath, that he’d eventually find a way to get everyone back to Deep Space Nine.

Bashir embraced it all as a giant adventure. The doctor emerged as one of our earliest leaders surprisingly enough. The eternal optimist, he seemed to take everything in stride better than most. At least until the sickness came. After that, he started fermenting the native fruit and turned to the drink that became his eventual downfall.”

Jadzia and Sisko shared a worried glance. “Sickness?” they said in unison with equal trepidation.  

Yedren took a deep breath. “Let me backtrack. This place changed everyone, but none more so than Odo. Odo was able to take shape about a week after the crash. Being trapped on a desolate planet must have been the incentive he finally needed because soon after he admitted his feelings for the Major. They were paired up by the end of the first season.”

Despite the relative somberness of the moment, Jadzia gave a big grin and let out a holler. Sisko, for his part, looked as stunned by this revelation as really anything else he’d heard that day. And that was saying something. “Kira and Odo?” he repeated, confused.

Jadzia poked him in the ribs. “Seriously? You’re telling me you’ve never noticed? He’s had a thing for her for years.”

Yedren didn’t laugh. “Indeed,” he said. “I’ve never seen anything like it in all my lifetimes. They complimented each other perfectly. He tamed her temper, defused her anger and bitterness. Even here on this place with the uncertain future we faced he gave Nerys a calmness and sense of stability that her life has always lacked. She, on the other hand, brought out such inner peace in the Constable that you would hardly recognize him. They both were troubled by the thought of never returning to Bajor, but honestly they were so wrapped up in each other I don’t think they particularly cared where they were so long as they were together.”

Jadzia’s smile for her friends was threatening to split her face, but Sisko gathered from Yedren’s expression that there wasn’t a happy ending here.

“I mentioned the sickness. In our fourth year, there was a plague that spread through the colony. Bashir was able to come up with a treatment, but it didn’t work on Kira. Something about being incompatible with her Bajoran physiology.”

“Oh no.” Jadzia gasped.

“Kira’s death was tremendously hard on everyone. She was the first of the senior staff to die. We all cared about her of course. Odo though, Odo went mad with grief. There’s no other way to put it. He buried her in the hills to the west of the original settlement and left the colony.

You’ll find that on Gaia one often hears the piercing screech of a Bajoran hawk calling for its mate. Sometimes it’s the roar of an angry tarq. Or, for that matter, the sounds of any other number of animals that shouldn’t be here. The children make up stories about the shapeshifter pining away for his dead love. Every generation seems to embellish it further. Odo’s become a myth, a living legend, around here. Occasionally, there are accounts of him showing himself in human form, but it’s few and far between. The previous Dax host saw him once. I never have. Though I imagine now that you’ve arrived, Odo’ll be showing up soon, if he’s not already here.”

*

“Okay Major. That electrical jolt you got when we went through the energy field could have been nasty. You passed out not long after Sisko and the others left for the surface. Fortunately for you, I’m a good doctor and I’ve seen this kind of thing before.” Kira opened her eyes to the sound of Bashir’s smug, self-satisfied voice. He gave her a reassuring smile.

“You’re fine now.   All fixed up. I’m going to check this place out. Our descendants, can you imagine? Give it ten or fifteen minutes for the sedative I gave you to wear off and come join me.”

He raised an eyebrow at her in a mockingly suggestive manner. “I hear there are Bashir’s running all over the place. I’ll let you know if there are any with ridged noses.” Kira gave a good natured groan and threw a nearby padd at him as he walked out the door chuckling.

She sat up. She had a faint headache though it wasn’t bad. Kira sighed and slowly got off the bed. She’d heard the report from the away team before she ended up in the infirmary. What on Bajor could the Prophets have in store for them here? Her head was still too fuzzy to even begin to comprehend. Her eyes flickered towards the container holding Odo.

“It’s too bad you’re in there Odo. I sure would like to talk to you right now. This whole situation…” The words broke off as she heard someone approaching the door. Expecting Bashir, she turned and was stunned as the door opened to reveal none other than Odo himself. Dumbly she looked at the man in the door, the metal specimen jar and then back to the man.

“Odo?”

“Hello Nerys.” He walked in, the door whooshing shut behind him. “I came up from the surface as soon as I heard you were here. It’s good to see you.”

“You look different,” she gasped. It was Odo, but it wasn’t. He looked sharper, his humanoid form more detailed. Not necessarily better or worse than what she was used to, just different. It jolted her. More astonishing though than the change in his physical form was the change in his very bearing. This Odo seemed at ease with who and what he was. Relaxed in a way she’d never seen before. His face was bursting with expression, full of emotions that he wasn’t even trying to hide.  

“You are just as beautiful as I remember. You can’t know how much I’ve longed to hear your voice, see your smile.” His hand gently stroked her cheek.

“Odo, what’s gotten in to you?” She stared at him, flabbergasted by this odd behavior.

“I love you Nerys. I’ve always loved you.” Her burst of laughter died on her lips as she realized he was completely serious. What? He’d never told her. How could he have never told her?  

“Is it that hard to believe? In two days you’ll be leaving again. I don’t expect you to throw yourself into my arms. All I’m asking is that while you’re here you spend some time with me. Will you let me show you Gaia?”

“I think I’d like that,” she said at last.

*

Hand in hand Odo and Kira strolled through the meadow. The warm wind blew gently through her hair. Nerys had never been so _aware_ of someone as she was the man next to her.

“Odo” she asked softly, breaking the silence between them.   “The others, they stared at us in such amazement when they saw us walking through the settlement. It wasn’t just me either, it was you too. They wouldn’t even approach us. It was like they’d seen a Borhya. And you’re a part of this place, they shouldn’t be so surprised to see you. Tell me what happened here?”

“It’s a long story. You may find it… disturbing.” He hedged. She smiled. That sounded like the Odo she knew. Maybe some things don’t ever change no matter the timeline.

“Of course I want to hear it. Please?”

“Two hundred years ago you came to be my wife. My cheysi. And I yours.” He used the Bajoran word that meant, loosely translated, a once in a lifetime beloved. The Terrans, she knew, had a similar concept they called soulmates.  

Nerys inhaled sharply. The idea wasn’t all together displeasing she realized despite her earlier typically hot-headed reaction to his declarations of love. She’d been caught off guard then, surprised. Now, with some time to digest the information, if she was honest with herself, she was rather intrigued.

“How did we come to be together?”

Odo remembered like it was yesterday. The scene unfolded in his mind.

_It was the first month after the crash. There was only very rough living quarters at that point. The modest structure that was quickly raised would eventually become the town meeting hall. But initially it served as not only as ward room but also dining space and communal sleeping area. Kira had set up a makeshift prayer wheel on the wall near her bunk. Said it would have to make due until she could build a proper shrine. Said the prophets would just have to forgive her in the meantime._

_That afternoon, I saw her, head bowed in supplication, the light streaming in through the window giving her a radiant glow. She was so beautiful it was enough to stop me in my tracks. I didn’t mean to intrude, privacy was a luxury we didn’t have much of and tried to respect best we could. She noticed me then standing behind her. “Odo. I was just thinking about you. Sit and talk to me for a little while?” She patted the space next to her inviting me to join her. Awkwardly, I sat on the floor beside her. Almost immediately, Nerys shifted such that she was leaning against me, her head on my shoulder. Her touch, as always, sent a ripple effect through my molecules._

_Touch was still a foreign, strange sensation to me then. For years I’d known only the detached clinical touch of Dr. Mora and others from the lab. Or worse from the Cardassians. Then the federation came. These humanoids were big on touch, with each other and with me. At first, it had been irritating but gradually I came to appreciate it for what it was. Sisko’s strange gesture of taking someone’s hand and pumping it up and down as a way of respect. Jadzia placing her lips on my cheek as way of thanks. O’Brian thumping me on the back as he said hearty hello. Their casual touches were meant to include me, the changeling, as they would any other comrade and friend._

_Then there was Nerys. Whenever she touched me, my system went haywire. Before Gaia, it wasn’t often, but it happened here and there. Her body brushing past mine in the crowded replimat, a smile and wave in my direction as she scurried back to Ops with her hard won racktichino. Grabbing my hand in support or to illustrate some point she was making. Every incident burned into memory._

_We sat there, in front of her makeshift shrine, her curled up against me for a time before she spoke, mumbling into my shoulder. “The prophets granted me a moment of clarity just now.”_

_“Oh?”_

_“I was reflecting on our situation and it came to me. I don’t like being here. I don’t like it one bit, but I’m glad you’re here with me.”_

_“I feel much the same,” I said in response. I wasn’t quite sure what she was getting at. I had no idea how her next words would change my life forever._

_“Odo?” She spoke softly. “You’re in love with me aren’t you? The prophets have helped me finally see clearly.”_

_I nearly lost my shape right then and there. I was frozen. I didn’t deny it, there was no point, but in panic and fear I lashed out. “I don’t want your pity, Major. Just because we are stuck here for the rest of our lives doesn’t mean you have to pretend to return my sentiments. I never intended for you to know and I’d prefer to continue on pretending that you don’t.”_

_“Odo, don’t. It’s ok.” She wrapped her arms around me in an effort to prevent me from getting up. “It’s more than ok. Please don’t run away. Not from me, from this. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out but you didn’t exactly make it easy.” Next he knew she framed his face with her hands and was kissing him. Kissing him deeply in a way that even he couldn’t misinterpret._

As Odo told her about the life they had building a new existence for themselves, Nerys listened transfixed. The passion and love he had for her, or rather, for the long ago Kira Nerys who had been trapped on this planet with him, was evident in his gruff voice. The crazy thing was, she was starting to see how easily it could happen. This was Odo. Her best friend. She already cared for him a great deal. Now that the idea was in her head, she found it wasn’t actually that much of a stretch to imagine him as a lover as well. She was almost jealous of this other Nerys who got to experience that.  

There was something Odo wasn’t telling her though. She could tell there was something important he was skirting around, leaving out. When queried further, he sighed.

“You died Nerys. As a changeling, I’ve always known that I’d likely out live you. If you had passed in your sleep of old age after a long life, or even a heroic death in the line of duty, then perhaps I might have handled it better. Sadly, neither was to be the case. Or maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. You still would have been gone.” He gave her a hopeless glance. “I found myself completely lost without you Nerys. To say the least, I was devastated.”

The pain etched across his face touched her very pagh. “Oh, Odo.” She turned and hugged him tightly. “I am so, so, sorry.”

*

Kira didn’t want to leave. In fact, she was rather adamant about staying, coming to the conclusion that it was her destiny to be here. To die here. Odo wasn’t overly surprised at her logic though he wished with all his being that she felt otherwise.

Visions of Kira’s death swamped him. She had not gone easy. The sickness started with mild aches and pains that Nerys had, of course, as she was prone to do, ignored. It wasn’t until she straight up collapsed that it became evident she too was afflicted. He’d been worried, but not overly concerned. By that point, Bashir had already come up with the cure. Half the settlement had been successfully treated. When Kira didn’t show any improvement though was when the terror he might actually lose her started to set in.

His vibrant, beautiful, Kira had died a slow, agonizing death. Over the course of a couple weeks the disease systematically sapped the very life force from her. He’d been there for her the best he could. Towards the end she’d simply clung to him, taking what comfort she could from his presence. It was all he could offer. There was no need for words between them, anything that needed to be said had already been said. He just held her in his arms until she took her last shuddering breath and her pagh returned to the celestial temple.

Numb, he still managed to gather the strength to organize a traditional Bajoran service for her. Taught the others how to light the candles in remembrance. They were eager to honor her and embraced the Bajoran way.     

Bashir in particular had been beside himself, the man obviously distraught over his inability to save Nerys. Years later, long after fleeing the colony, Odo had even come across the doctor drunk at Kira’s gravesite sobbing freely and begging her forgiveness. Odo had shown himself then and the two men shared a brief tentative understanding. It was the one and only time after leaving the settlement that Odo ever spoke again to a member of the original crew.           

Odo had, he reflected, come very close to ending his own existence after Nerys died. The only thing that stopped him, the only thing that kept him going over the years, was the knowledge that in two hundred years, she’d be back. So instead, he attempted to lose himself as only a changeling could, rarely taking humanoid shape. No matter the form, the memories and the pain remained. His only comfort that in two hundred years he could make this right, send her back to Deep Space Nine to live out a life there instead of dying horribly on this prophets cursed place away from her home world. He couldn’t let her suffer as she had a second time, he wouldn’t. He’d had plenty of opportunity to mull over this decision, to make plans, and he was confident it was the right thing to do.

*

The Defiant went off course. They were past the barrier. It had all gone wrong. Despite being the strongest voice in support of staying, Kira couldn’t help the wave of gratitude that came over her as they broke orbit. She suspected everyone else felt the same as well. Still, she was conflicted. Had the prophets truly meant for her to stay on Gaia? Had she been meant to find, what was, by all accounts, a grand love affair with Odo of all people?

Odo. Her eyes grew wide as she thought of the Gaia Odo. It was him who was responsible for sabotaging the Defiant, she was absolutely certain of it. Blatantly going behind her expressed wishes and doing what he thought was best for her. At a cost of eight thousand lives, including his own. Infuriating. How dare he put that on her, leave her with that tremendous guilt. It horrified her that he had done such a thing. Oh, she was angry. Very much so. But not quite to the extent that she objectively felt like she should be. Which was worrisome in its own right.

She wasn’t needed on the bridge. Sisko had taken one look at her pale, strained face and told her as much. She didn’t even have the mental wherewithal to argue with him about it. He was right, she was in no condition to be on duty. Thoughts troubled, she went to her makeshift quarters, took one of the sleeping pills Julian had subtly passed her way and promptly fell asleep on the uncomfortable bunk.          

She woke hours later to the insistent chirping of the door chime. “I’m awake now, you might as well come in,” she grumbled irritably, sitting up. It was Odo who appeared in the door. Of course it was. Prophets, what was she going to do about this Odo? How was she going to face him knowing he harbored such feelings for her? She had no idea. Her thoughts pinged wildly between wanting to encourage him and wanting to pretend the revelations revealed on Gaia never happened. Kira Nerys tended to handle most things head on, but boy did she want to run and hide right now.

Odo’s familiar changeling mask was firmly in place as he tentatively walked in, clearly unsure of his welcome into her room. It hit Kira then, how could she have ever thought he didn’t feel emotions? Didn’t feel love? She’d just never taken the time to pay attention before. Some friend she was. Now that she thought about it, she knew she’d seen his blue eyes sparkle more than once in anticipation of some plot hatched to catch Quark. Concern when she’d gone to him over and over again with various personal troubles. And yes, she’d even seen those eyes gaze at her with love when he thought her head was turned, though she’d been too blind to recognize it before now. At the moment his smooth alien face reflected an uncomfortable, resigned dread.  

After apologizing for waking her, the Constable was all business, getting right to the point of his visit. “There’s something you should know. The other Odo, he’s the one responsible for altering our flight path.”

Kira sighed. “Tell me something I don’t already know,” she muttered under her breath.

“What was that Major?”

“I suspected as much. Prophets, how could he though?”

“So you would live Nerys.”

“That doesn’t make it okay!” The anger was starting to boil up within her, her voice agitated. “I’m not worth eight thousand lives! No one is!” She was shouting now.

Odo didn’t react to her outburst, remaining calm. “Well, he thought you were.”

Kira made a concentrated effort to collect herself. Whatever her feelings towards the Gaia Odo, she knew darn well it was unfair to transpose them onto this Odo. It wasn’t quite the same, but if she learned anything from her experience visiting that awful crossover alternate universe it was that you never really knew what you, or others, could be capable of given a slightly different set of circumstances. Kira had been shocked to find another reality in which she was a selfish, vicious tyrant. It had taken a great deal of meditation and self-reflection before realizing that she wasn’t a bad person just because an alternate self had those characteristics. At least Gaia Odo’s actions had been out of a twisted sense of love. The Intendant didn’t even have that excuse.      

“Wait. How do you know all this anyway?” Kira brought herself back to deal the situation at hand. “When did you get out of the container? Was Jadzia was able to identify it was you, sorry, him for sure?

“No. No one else knows yet. I feel obligated to inform the Captain, but wanted to let you know first.” Odo looked utterly miserable. “I know because right before we left, the other Odo linked with me. I was still unable to take form so I wasn’t able to stop him. I know everything Nerys. What he told you, his memories, all of it.”

Odo’s piercing eyes were staring at her, waiting for her reaction.

“Bloody hell.” Kira dropped one of O’Brian’s favorite Terran curses. It seemed to fit her mood and the situation. Then, abruptly realizing how that might be interpreted, her voice softened. “I don’t know what to say Odo… So much has happened. I need time to sort it all out. Time to think.”

“Very well, Major. That’s perfectly understandable.” He nodded his head and left.

*

Odo sat, staring off at the wall in his office. Ever since coming back from Gaia, it had been near impossible for him to concentrate. Well, to be accurate, impossible to concentrate on anything other than Kira Nerys. The other Odo’s memories ran a continuous loop around in his head that was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.

He now knew what Kira liked sexually for crying out loud. Evidently he’d been a satisfactory partner. Who would have thought he could enjoy humanoid mating rituals so much? The things their Gaia selves had done… Only with Nerys could it have been possible. If changelings were capable of blushing he was sure he’d be a constant state of bright red. He had no business knowing these things, but it wasn’t like he’d asked to link with Gaia’s Odo. Kira, for her part, had been studiously avoiding him. She was probably just as embarrassed as he was about what their respective counter parts had gotten up to.

The madness needed to stop though. It was interfering with his work. Quark had once told him to either make a move or forget her. He’d never admit it to Quark, but Odo recognized it was way past time for him to finally heed that advice. Before Gaia, he never thought Kira could care about him the way he cared about her. Despite everything that had transpired, he still didn’t think it very likely _this_ Kira could love _him_. Not very likely at all, but he now knew it was at least _possible._ That faint slimmer of hope emboldened him to take action. At this point, she already knew his secret and their friendship was already strained as a result so it didn’t seem like he had much to lose. If necessary, if they couldn’t resolve this thing between them, he could always put in for a transfer down to Bajor. It was as simple as that.

He slapped his com badge somewhat more harshly than was strictly necessary. “Odo to Kira”

There was a slight hesitation but she answered. “Yes, Constable?”

“Major, there are some things we need to discuss. Do you mind stopping by security at the end of your shift?”

He could tell she was in Ops by the way she carefully phrased her response to indicate she knew what he wanted to talk about but without alluding to it directly. “We are overdue for a meeting aren’t we? 1800 hours?”

“I’ll see you then.”

She was willing to talk then. Odo figured that was a good sign.

*

Kira nervously twisted her hands in her lap as she rather ungracefully sank into the seat across from him.   It was rare for her to show such an outward sign of discomfort. “You’re right Odo,” she said. “We need to work this out. I don’t really know how to begin. You’re one of the most important people in my life and I do love you. Gaia made that point abundantly clear to me. It’s just… “

She squirmed some more, organizing her thoughts. “You know my history. I’m born of the occupation. Those scars are starting to fade to some extent, but they’ll never go away completely. It’s who I am. I learned early and better than most not to get too close to anyone.”

She gave a bitter laugh. “Little Kira with the heart of a sinoraptor. Went out on a raid while her father lay dying. There too was a girl back then I could have come to love. She was shot by a disruptor blast right next to me. I can still feel her blood trickling over me. I didn’t cry then either. No sentimentality for me.”

She winced and slammed a fist on his desk but continued speaking. “Let yourself care too much, let yourself love, and it’ll destroy you. I saw it over and over again. Shakaar was, still is, as bad as I ever was. Lupaza worried about my detachment, told me it wasn’t healthy. Well, nothing about the occupation was healthy.”

Odo wasn’t sure if she was still talking to him or more to herself at this point. Nerys didn’t often speak of her time in the resistance. His changeling formed heart ached for the child she’d been, but he said nothing sensing it was important to let her get the words out.

“Coupling in the resistance happened because you didn’t want to be lonely. Not when the flush of victory was coursing through your veins and certainly not when you were terrified you might die the next day. No expectations other than distracting each other from reality for a while. Bariel taught me something different was possible. He was patient with me. He understood. Even with him though, I held back. With more time I might have gotten over it. It’s just as well I didn’t since he died on me too.”

She looked at him then, with big brown eyes. “With you it could be nothing less than throwing myself all in. You deserve that much. And it frightens me. I mean just look at how the other Odo reacted to my death. It scares me that someone could love me to that extent and it scares me even more that, if I let myself, I absolutely could feel that way for you. In fact, I’m pretty sure I already do.”

It took him a moment for her words to sink in. Was she really saying…

“I want to give this, us, a chance Odo. Oh prophets I want this.”

Evidently she was saying what he had hoped. He stood then and walked around the desk. Offered her his hand. Without hesitation, she took it and walked into his embrace.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Children of Time is one of my favorite episodes. It's such classic 'dark' DS9. On the one hand we have Kira finally finding out about Odo's feelings (yey!) but then we have Gaia Odo acting like a deranged stalker making these grand unwanted gestures of love. A somewhat understandable and sympathetic deranged stalker but still... 
> 
> It seems like Gaia could be ripe for fanfiction possibilities, but i've only seen one or two other stories. Wish there was more out there.


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